Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

As the title implies, the Marvel vs. Capcom franchise is a crossover series that places famous Marvel superheroes and notable Capcom characters together in the same universe. One of the few characters created specifically for the series was Ruby Heart – a French-speaking pirate captain who happens to own a flying ship. When the world was threatened by an evil being known as Abyss, Ruby Heart summoned a team of Marvel and Capcom all-stars to her airship to track down the monster. Ruby Heart’s true motivation was not to save the planet, however. Rather, her real objective was to claim the mysterious orb that acted as Abyss’ power source. And what does Ruby do when she finally obtains the orb, you ask? She simply throws it into an ocean like that bitch from Titanic! It just doesn’t get much more despicable than that.

As the leader of a group of sand pirates, Captain Scarlett aims to uncover the location of the “Treasure of the Sands.” Like any respectable pirate, she is completely untrustworthy and will never pass up an opportunity to betray someone. Whether she’s setting traps for her “friends” or stabbing her own crew members in the back, there is nothing the pirate queen won’t do to get ahead. Even though she’s courageous and adventurous in her own right, she prefers to manipulate others into doing all of the hard work before sweeping in and taking the rewards for herself. I’d rate her higher on this list if she didn’t routinely reveal her plans to her enemies. She has no problem cheating her way to riches or shooting unarmed people, but she has a nasty honesty streak that forces her to blatantly explain her treacherous intents.

As the governor of a group of pirate islands in the Caribbean, Elaine Marley is pursued by many suitors – including the evil-zombie-pirate, LeChuck. LeChuck is unrelenting in his attempts to make Elaine his undead bride, but the beautiful governor ends up falling for a hapless pirate wannabe named Guybrush Threepwood instead. Elaine is constantly kidnapped, but she’s seldom in need of rescue and is usually able to escape at her own volition. In spite of her less-than-pleasant experiences with LeChuck, Elaine is drawn to a life of piracy and eventually decides to leave her mansion on Booty Island to pursue life on the high seas. After relinquishing her gubernatorial responsibilities to her grandfather, Elaine set of with Guybrush in search of adventure… and a cure for the voodoo pox outbreak that Guybrush inadvertently created.

The leader of a group of pirates known as the Lillen Knights, Bonne Jenet is the daughter of incredibly wealthy parents and only turned to piracy because she was bored. Becoming tired of her tedious lifestyle, this blonde bombshell developed a habit of knocking people unconscious before robbing them. Upon learning that the wealthy Kain R. Heinlein was holding a fighting tournament, B. Jenet joined the competition. However, B. Jenet didn’t enter the competition for honor or prize money. Instead, she entered with the intent of finding treasure and burglarizing the Heinlein mansion. Although she is a talented fighter who often catches opponents off guard with her unpredictable fighting style, B. Jennet is excessively flirtatious and is also known to exploit her beauty for personal gain. Rest assured, she’ll screw you over if she can.

A member of the Jellyfish Air Pirates, May shows steadfast dedication to the group and their leader, Johnny. Orphaned as a young child, May was raised by Johnny and demonstrates undying loyalty towards him. In fact, when Johnny was arrested for his Robin Hood-esque acts thievery, it was May that was sent to free him. On more than one occasion, May has entered a fighting tournament for Johnny’s benefit. Despite her young, cute appearance, May is also the most capable and powerful fighter in the crew. She can command a squadron of aquatic life to aid her in battle, always has her crew members on call to assist her, and has the uncanny ability to sense the presence of bald people. She may not be the quickest fighter, but it’s understandable given the fact that her anchor weapon is bigger than she is.

The Bonne Family are notorious air pirates who raid ancient ruins and steal treasure from professional diggers around the globe. Tron is the only daughter in the family, but her contributions to the group cannot be overstated. An expert mechanic in charge of the design and construction of Bonne’s machines, Tron built the family’s airship and also created dozens of “Servbots” that assist with various tasks. Tron is stubborn, feisty, and somewhat egotistical, but her self-confidence is well-placed for the most part. She has trouble keeping her temper in check and is a little demanding at times, but I can let it slide considering she’s 14-years-old and a bona fide genius. Whether she’s acting in the role of an antagonist or acting as an anti-hero, Tron Bonne is one of the most compelling characters in the entire Mega Man universe.

Of all the girls in the Zelda universe, none are more assertive than Tetra. The merciless pirate takes pride in her ability to cause terror on the high seas. Tetra was the successor to her mother’s pirate gang, but the crew holds profound respect for her even though she’s younger than they are. When she first meets Link, she pays him no mind and rejects the idea of letting a helpless kid like him tag along. Her only concern is finding treasure, but she reluctantly helps Link and his kidnapped sister escape from a prison island. After she starts to let her guard down, it becomes apparent that she’s a kind and caring person underneath it all. Tetra is eventually revealed to be the descendant of Zelda and a member of the ancient Hyrulean Royal Family. She might be a princess, but Tetra never loses her pirate smile.

Wario was introduced as Mario’s rival, but his most prolific opponent is Captain Syrup. Syrup is the captain of the Black Sugar Gang and likely the only person that’s greedier than Wario. She was the main antagonist in the first two Wario Land games but assumed the role of an assistant in Wario Land: Shake It!. “Shockingly,” Syrup ended up betraying Wario and stealing the reward for herself. Captain Syrup is just as conniving as Wario is, but she’s way smarter and a heck of a lot easier on the eyes. She’s difficult to read since she doesn’t adhere to any laws or social norms. Wario wasn’t even aware that Syrup was a girl until they met face to face at her base on Kitchen Island. Whether she’s traveling the world in the SS Tea Cup or sailing the seas as captain of The Sweet Stuff, Syrup’s lust for treasure is almost unmatched.

The Final Fantasy series is famous for male characters that look like women, but Faris is a rare example of an apparent male character that actually is a chick. After being rescued by a group of pirates as a young child, Faris pretended to be a guy because she was afraid no one would take her seriously if they knew that she was a girl. Bold, assertive, and protective of her friends, Faris is the youngest known pirate captain and has earned the respect of her crew. In fact, some members of her crew have even developed crushes on her! Faris happens to be very resourceful and even manages to sail her ship without wind thanks to the assistance of a giant water dragon she befriended while growing up. Faris is extremely devoted to her life as a pirate. So devoted, that she actually turns down her rightful position as Queen.

Risky Boots is known for her love of wealth, power, and all things shiny, but the self-appointed “Queen of the Seven Seas” is more aptly defined by what she hates. (Among other things, she dislikes boring people, girl scouts, scurvy dogs, emoticons, and your ugly face.) The nefarious lady-pirate commands a crew of evil minions, but she knows how to handle herself in a fight. With swords, pistols, and raw athleticism at her disposal, Risky proves to be a worthy nemesis for a half-genie hero named Shantae. She even gets the better of Shantae on a number of occasions. At one point, Risky successfully strips Shantae of her genie powers. Later, Risky defeats her former master by tricking Shantae into breaking his curse. In her ongoing effort to claim what’s not hers, Risky seldom stops scavenging or scheming.