Behind Every Great Man...

Miss Pauling is a loyal assistant to the mysterious administrator of TF Industries. As part of her job, she performs background checks, handles deliveries, and conducts interviews with would-be mercenaries. In addition to her office duties, she also has to dispose of dead bodies, destroy evidence, and carry out the occasional assassination. Miss Pauling doesn’t necessarily agree with her employer’s views, but she’s apparently afraid to see what will happen if her boss doesn’t get her way. Regardless, her work ethic is unshakable and she only takes one day off each year. She would have been rated higher on this list, but she’s mostly known for promotional animated SFM shorts that were released alongside Team Fortress 2 updates. She only makes brief cameos in the game itself, so I feel like I’m breaking the rules by mentioning her at all.

Vice and Mature were followers of a divine being named Orochi who once tried to wipe humanity from existence. When an influential cartel leader named Rugal Bernstein began looking for ways to exploit Orochi’s power for himself, Vice and Mature were ordered to pose as secretaries in order to keep an eye on him. Anyone who had ever seen them fight would easily have seen through the charade, of course. They dressed like professionals, but they were cruel and ruthless in battle. Vice was defined by violence, while Mature used her charms to toy with her opponents. Keeping the ruse going couldn’t have been easy, but they always say that you should fake it ’til you make it. On that note, Vice and Mature legitimately enjoyed working for Rugal and didn’t seem especially concerned with the affairs of the Orochi.

As the executive assistant to the evil Count Bleck, Nastasia is in charge of organizing events and keeping things running according to schedule. She’s especially good at relaying Count Bleck’s orders, and she repeats them verbatim to give them the right emphasis. Nastasia is the only one in Bleck’s inner circle that never fights Mario directly, but she’s still able to cause trouble with her brainwashing abilities. In fact, most of Bleck’s minions are under the power of Nastasia’s brain control. With her powerful hypnotic abilities, she can convince people to do things they wouldn’t even consider under normal circumstances. She was even able to force Princess Peach to marry Bowser! Nastasia doesn’t necessarily approve of Count Bleck’s plans, but she is a trustworthy assistant who is loyal enough to put her own life on the line to protect him.

Eva is a high-ranking agent of the Lost Souls Alliance who works undercover as a secretary at the Department of Death. She spends most of her time flipping through newspapers and filing her nails, and she generally looks disinterested with her job. Even though she’s a skeleton, Eva is the most stereotypical secretary on this list. From her horned-rimmed glasses to her pronounced New York accent, Eva seems to have been created in the likeness of Janine Melnitz from Ghostbusters. She’s also known for a sarcastic sense of humor and is never short on insults. Eva’s primary role in the game is to provide assistance to Manuel Calavera as he guides souls to the Land of the Dead. She even relays many of the game’s critical plot points to the player directly. I guess her sarcasm was strong enough to knock down the fourth wall.

Rachel works as a secretary for the Red Crow sales agency and acts as a link between the company’s owner and its employees. If a sales rep needs to speak with the boss, it’s usually Rachel who fields the call. Rachel is always friendly and goes out of her way to provide support for the sales force. She’s especially helpful to a rep named Kyle Hyde, and she even does research for him between calls. Kyle stumbles across more mysteries than the Scooby Doo gang, so Rachel’s assistance is invaluable. Kyle is a former detective and Rachel is naturally curious about his shadowy past, but she stays on task and never presses the issue unless he brings it up himself. Kyle is obviously fond of Rachel, and she often responds to him in a flirtatious manner. She doesn’t let things escalate very far, however.

Kelly Chambers serves as Commander Shepard’s yeoman on the starship Normandy. It’s her job to pass on meeting requests and inform Shepard about any new emails that arrive. (Apparently, push notifications are no longer a thing in 2185.) Kelly is also a psychologist who monitors the crew and provides counseling services when needed. As you might expect, her background gives her valuable insight into Shepard’s missions and crew members alike. Kelly seems like a consummate professional at first, but she has no qualms in exploring workplace romances. If Shepard flirts with her, she’ll flirt right back. She’s the only potential love interest in Mass Effect 2 who will dance for Shepard, and I’m betting they didn’t teach her that in psychology school. Her behavior is unbecoming of a counselor, but I’d gladly hire her as my secretary.

Before she appeared in any game, Kotori Otonashi could be seen on the official website for THE iDOLM@STER where she posted information about the game’s DLC packs. She was later added into the series as a proper character, and her role was expanded in the process. Kotori is an office clerk with a talent agency called 765 Production that specializes in training idols for various media events. Working closely with the producer, Kotori’s job is to set up meetings and arrange dates for the idols. Kotori not only acts as an assistant to the game’s idols, but she also acts as an assistant to the player. She can be seen in the game’s tutorial dialogue boxes, and her notes provide players with valuable information. All of the people on this list are helpful in their own way, but Kotori blatantly breaks the fourth wall to provide assistance.

Mika Slayton works as a receptionist for an organization that specializes in tracking down artificial life forms called Snatchers. She’s a friendly face to greet agents at the door and will happily provide them with information, but she’s more than a common tour guide and has an intimate knowledge of law enforcement. Mika has a background in criminal psychology and worked in the field of criminal research before landing a gig behind the reception desk. When a lecherous amnesiac agent named Gillian Seed starts working for the agency, it’s Mika’s job to show him the ropes and teach him how to fire his weapon. Mika’s desk is encased in glass to protect her from outside threats (and Gillian’s wandering hands), but her job still puts her at risk and she is even used as a human shield at one point. I hope she got a raise for that one.

Ingrid Hunnigan is a liaison officer working within the US government’s Field Operations Support unit. Her appearance on this list is not intended to downplay her contributions to the intelligence community, but it does illustrate how broad the term secretary can be. Hunnigan is responsible for communicating orders to Leon Kennedy while he is out on the field, and she serves as his primary source of information. She’s level-headed and professional, so her agents trust her implicitly even when she appears to overstep her bounds. Her role extends far beyond that of a personal assistant, but Leon would be completely lost without her and she’s the one who keeps him organized and allows him to focus on the task at hand. She also has to turn down his advancements from time to time, but I guess that kind of comes with the territory.

Many citizens in Animal Crossing are welcoming to new villagers, but none are more helpful than Isabelle. She made her first appearance in Animal Crossing: New Leaf where she assisted the player in their new role as the town mayor. Acting as a secretary and assistant, Isabelle encourages the player to do tasks and public work projects in an effort to make the town a better place to live for everyone. She’s always happy to provide advice on living in the town, and she keeps morale high by changing her clothing in celebration of the various holidays. Isabelle has an upbeat personality and is the first person to greet the player when they turn on the game. She doesn’t like confrontation and is a little hard on herself when she is side-tracked, but Isabelle has nothing to apologize for and should be proud of the job she does.