Now You See Me

Fawful is an evil genius who is eccentric, outlandish, and batshit insane. Fawful’s swirly glasses fit perfectly with his mischievous smile and help accentuate his psychotic tendencies. Fawful is highly intelligent, but also suffers from bouts of megalomania and uncontrollable rage. Appropriately, his glasses seem to reflect both aspects of his personality. In spite of his obvious intelligence and mechanical abilities, Fawful often acts in a neurotic manner and seems to lack common sense. He is driven by delusions of grandeur and views his rivals as “idiots of foolishness.” Without question, Fawful is one of the most hilarious and entertaining villains in video game history. It’s quite fitting that Fawful’s glasses appear to have a hypnotic quality to them. After all, everything else about the guy is mesmerizing too.

Although you should never judge a book by its cover, you can tell a lot about the cast of Chrono Trigger just by looking at them. Even those who have never played the game could probably tell you that Frog is a frog, Robo is a robot, and Lucca is a nerd. The reason they know that Lucca is a nerd is because she wears glasses. Stereotypes are not always correct and are sometimes hurtful, but, in this case, they ring true. Lucca is a nerd. Fortunately, she’s the “smart” type of nerd and not of the “Milhouse Van Houten” variety. Several characters in the game make fun of Lucca’s goofy glasses, but no one can deny her intelligence. During the game, Lucca designs a teleporter, fixes robots, and helps unlock the secret to time travel. A time travel story simply wouldn’t be believable without a character like Lucca.

Quistis Trepe is a mentally gifted young woman and was something of a child prodigy. By the time she was 18, she was already acting as an instructor in an educational institute known as Balamb Garden. Because she is young enough to pass for a student herself, some people don’t necessarily take her as seriously as they should. However, her silver-rimmed glasses give her an undeniable authoritative presence. The glasses also help Quistis appear to be calm and collected regardless of her emotional state underneath it all. It goes without saying that the glasses also boost Quistis’ sex appeal significantly and perpetuate the whole “Hot For Teacher” dynamic. It’s no surprise that Quistis is extremely popular among her students. She’s so popular, in fact, that she even has her own fan club in Final Fantasy VIII!

Unlike most RPGs of its era, EarthBound was set neither in a medieval-themed fantasy world nor a futuristic sci-fi universe. Rather, EarthBound had a relatively contemporary western setting with heavy allusions to typical American suburban neighborhoods. The primary protagonists in the game are school-aged children that you would expect to find in said neighborhoods. No fictional group of friends would be complete without the token “kid with glasses.” In EarthBounddJeff fills this role brilliantly. In fact, Jeff’s entire face is defined by his glasses. Predictably, Jeff also happens to be the smartest character in the game, and has the ability to turn broken down objects into advanced weaponry. It’s surprising how much Jeff accomplishes. Heck, I’m amazed he can even see through his glasses in the first place.

Futaba Sakura’s orange hair, large headphones, and thick-rimmed glasses have drawn comparisons to the squid girls from Splatoon, but the similarities are only skin deep. When Futaba finds herself in social settings, she typically hides behind other people or wears ridiculous masks to conceal her identity. As one of the most popular characters in the entire Persona series, there’s no reason why her confidence should be so low. Her glasses are a perfect fit for a programming prodigy with anxiety issues. An asocial teen who dropped out of school after a family tragedy, she’s withdrawn from her peers and spends most of her time online. If there’s one thing that pop culture has taught me, it’s that nerds wear glasses. To that end, Futaba’s glasses basically serve as a constant reminder of her social awkwardness.

Joseph Oda is a seasoned police detective who has the worst luck in the world. While investigating a crime scene at a mental hospital, Joseph is kidnapped, knocked unconscious, taken over by haunted beings, placed in a guillotine, and shot by a sniper. He seems most upset when he’s attacked by a infernal guard dog and loses his glasses in the process. Given the hideous nature of the beast, Joseph should have been happy to escape with his life. Much to the dismay of his partner, Joseph insists on retrieving his glasses and proceeds to distract the very beast that almost killed him. Joseph was literally willing to die for his glasses! After the ordeal, Joseph explains that retrieving his glasses wasn’t so much about seeing as it was feeling normal. Few video game characters are as reliant on their glasses as Joseph Oda is.

Bottles is a short-sighted mole who helps teach Banjo and Kazooie various new maneuvers throughout their adventure. Bottles was an obvious choice for this list. After all, his very name is a reference to the thick, cokebottle glasses he wears. Bottles is pretty optimistic by nature, but his glasses are occasionally a source of pain and torment. For instance, the glasses make Bottles an easy target for Kazooie’s wisecracks, and the two are constantly bickering back and forth. His poor vision also makes Bottles a frequent victim to Kazooie’s cheating during card games. Unfortunately, impaired vision seems to run in Bottles’ family. Both he and his wife wear glasses, as do their aptly-named children, Speccy and Goggles. Hopefully, Bottles’ children won’t have to face the same hardships as their father did.

She wears a skin-tight leather jumpsuit and ridiculous stiletto shoes, and her hair is used as an article of clothing. Bayonetta’s wardrobe could be described as a cornucopia of fetish attire. For this reason, the sexy librarian glasses are a perfect fit. Bayonetta is one of the most over-the-top action games of all time, but the raven-haired witch manages to keep her glasses on her face regardless of how intense things get. The glasses were intended to add a sense of mystery and intelligence to her character, and they help define her entire persona. The cinematic director of the game felt that the glasses were so important to Bayonetta’s design that he didn’t ever want them removed from her face. He even suggested that removing her glasses would be as outrageous as stripping off her underwear. I think it’s safe to say that nobody wants to see that.

The Metal Gear Solid series is known for a diverse cast that includes genetically engineered super soldiers, cybernetic ninjas, and psychokinetic telepaths, so a regular guy like Hal “Otacon” Emmerich really stands out. Although Otacon is a brilliant engineer, he’s also a stereotypical nerd who’s obsessed with anime and develops crushes on anything that moves. It goes without saying, but no stereotypical nerd would be complete without a pair of glasses. Otacon is the type of person who has to rely on intellect rather than his brawn, as he literally pisses his pants when his life is in danger. Like most of the other characters on this list, Otacon doesn’t wear glasses to make a fashion statement. Rather, he wears glasses because he needs to. Otacon’s glasses help remind us all that he’s weak and frail.

First-person shooters are known for bald space marines and physically imposing muscle men, so a guy like Gordon Freeman was a breath of fresh air for the genre. Gordon Freeman is a research scientist who grew up idolizing the likes of Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Richard Feynman. Freeman graduated from MIT with a Ph.D. in Theoretical Physics. After accidentally opening up an inter- dimensional portal that released a myriad of hostile creatures, Dr. Freeman finds himself in a desperate struggle to survive. While battling onslaughts of invading aliens, Freeman seems to fill the role of a typical action hero. He battles big enemies, uses big guns, and is surrounded by big explosions. Through it all, his thick, black glasses serve as a constant reminder that he’s really just a big nerd. NERD!