Puttin' on the Ditz

Estelle Bright is a compassionate young woman who is largely defined by cheerful energy and boundless optimism. Her name is something of a misnomer, however, and she’s definitely not the brightest bulb in the box. She has trouble sounding out large words, explanations fly over her head, and she lacks real-world experience. She’s the type of girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, and she tends to vocalize her shock in an exaggerated way. This only serves to highlight her ignorance, and its patently clear when she doesn’t understand something. What she lacks in intelligence, she makes up for with unwavering determination. Estelle is the kindest girl you could ever hope to meet, and she’ll stop at nothing to defend her friends. Although she slowly matures during the course of her adventures, she often acts without thinking.

Colette Brunel is the chosen savior who is destined to regenerate the world by ascending the Tower of Salvation as an angel. She carries a heavy burden, but you’d never guess by looking at her. The girl is clumsy to a fault, and she never pays attention to her surroundings. Somehow, her clumsiness usually benefits her party in one way or another. In one instance, she accidentally deactivates a complex machine without meaning to. It’s a good thing that fate’s on her side, as she frequently misses details that other people pick up on. She’s so oblivious that she willingly reveals her identity to an assassin that was hired to kill her! More often than not, Colette’s absent-mindedness is played for laughs. It’s hilarious when she misses metaphors, for example, and I love how she takes everything literally.

Heart Aino is an energetic young woman and a firm believer in the power of love. She tries to see the best in everyone, and this makes it easy for others to take advantage of her. She’s too dense to realize how much danger she’s in, however, so she continues to rush into things without thinking. Heart causes a lot of trouble for herself by interfering with other people’s problems, but she legitimately wants to help as many people as she can. Her romanticized view of the world is apparent in every conversation she has, and her desire to spread justice is largely informed by the superhero TV shows that she grew up watching. She even tries to help her opponents, and she channels her positive emotions into every punch she throws. Needless to say, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of her “Amazing Iron Fist of Love and Justice… and LOVE!”

Ditzy characters are a staple of Nippon Ichi games, and Flonne carries the mantle for the Disgaea series. Her naïve belief that everyone is capable of love annoys her allies and ultimately earns her the moniker, “Love Freak.” She can be aggravating at times, but there’s a marked sincerity to her actions. The idealistic angel-in-training firmly believes that love and kindness triumphs all, and she goes out of her way to educate other demons in these matters. Given her feelings about love, you might be surprised to learn that she’s also an assassin. She’s a little too innocent for the role, however, and she plainly announces herself as an assassin rather than keeping a low profile. In a similar vein, she makes audible ninja sound effects during infiltration missions. Flonne is constantly making bad choices, but that’s what makes her so endearing.

Sarah Jerand is a carefree girl with a great sense of compassion. Unfortunately, she’s also a horrible judge of character. When a mysterious band of kidnappers breaks in through her window, she offers to make them tea. Later, she greets her abductors with an enthusiastic “Good morning!” after waking up on a sacrificial altar. As a featherfolk who never learned to fly, Sarah is always a few steps behind where she should be. This is apparent whenever she speaks, and her slow cadence is almost certainly a reflection of her slow thought process. She often struggles to find the right words (or any words at all), and some Star Ocean fans think she’s insufferable. I can understand the sentiment, but she’s not completely useless. Sarah is the best healer in the game, so you’ll be happy to have her in your party during difficult boss fights.

The Ace Attorney games have introduced us to many idiots over the years, but none have been given a brighter spotlight than Maya Fey. The young spirit medium spent several years as the primary assistant of defense attorney Phoenix Wright, so we have a pretty good idea of how her mind works. Maya doesn’t understand figurative expressions, she retains childlike interests well into her 20s, and she’s so hopeless when it comes to technology that she can’t even figure out how to turn a computer on. Her impulsive curiosity causes her to act without thinking, and this leads to all sorts of hilarious situations. In one instance, she decides to test the malleability of a decorative sword by smashing it against Phoenix’s head! Maya wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone, and she’s the most selfless character in the series.

Several Touhou characters were in contention for a spot on this list. Youmu doesn’t understand why it’s dark when she closes her eyes, Sakuya sees no issue with opening up a window in outer space, and Cirno is explicitly labelled as an idiot in official manuals. Yokai are mischievous by nature, however, so it can be difficult to determine whether a character is truly dumb or if they’re just trying to manipulate others. It’s fair to say that Rumia isn’t putting on a show for anyone. She spends most of her time wandering around aimlessly and trying to hunt down humans. She’s not especially successful in this regard, however, since she’s constantly blinding herself with her own darkness powers! She often runs into trees as a result, but she refuses to change her ways because it would require too much effort.

When she’s not dismembering zombies with her bedazzled chainsaw, Juliet Starling is a cheerleader at San Romero High School. Her enthusiasm is matched only by her athleticism, but everyone she meets treats her like a sex object. Juliet is too dense to realize that she’s being objectified, however. Her martial arts instructor tricks her into doing cartwheels and even tells her what kind of panties to wear, but Juliet doesn’t realize that it’s not a legitimate training exercise. Her ditzy attitude makes her an ideal zombie slayer, as she’s unfazed by the potential of a post-apocalyptic world. As she so aptly puts it, “I hate it when everyone turns into zombies but it’s also kind of fun because I get to do stuff like jump on a fire truck!” Juliet is easily distracted and often goes off on tangents, but she never fails to entertain me.

The Blaz Blue roster features many ridiculous characters, but Taokaka is the dumbest one by far. She has the attention span of a mayfly, and the only things that can hold her focus are food and boobs. (Me too, Taokaka. Me too.) She can’t remember anything for more than a few seconds, and she’s oblivious to what’s going on around her. She doesn’t even realize that her traveling partner is the world’s most wanted criminal! Even though she’s incredibly dim, she comes about it honestly. She had minimal contact with humans when she was growing up, and her decisions are informed by a childlike innocence. Taokaka is naïve and capricious, but she’s also pure of heart. If nothing else, she’s always good for a laugh. Whether she’s running into poles or breaking the fourth wall by slamming her head into the screen, it’s impossible to ignore her antics.

A high school delinquent who loves to fight, Kyōko is hot-headed, absent-minded, and high-spirited. She has been a minor character in the Kunio-kun series dating back to 1994, but she was given a much brighter spotlight in 2017’s River City Girls. In this outing, she works alongside her best friend Misako to rescue their kidnapped boyfriends. The game’s original ending reveals that the supposed victims were never in danger, and they weren’t even their boyfriends in the first place! These kinds of misunderstandings seem to follow Kyōko around. She once went to detention at a school that she didn’t even go to, for example, and she somehow got expelled for stealing basketball hoops. Analogies fly over her head and she literally uses “My Password” as a password, but I appreciate how ridiculous she is.