Kept in the Dark

Pince-nez glasses were worn by Europeans dating as far back as the 14th century, and they peaked in popularity in the late 1800s. Dr. Eggman is defined by technology and fixated on the future, so it’s strange to see him wearing old-fashioned eyewear. Pince-nez glasses fell out of favor because they were difficult to wear. They didn’t have arms to wrap around your ears, so they had a tendency to slide right off your face. Eggman’s giant nose probably helps keep his glasses in place, and I imagine it would be hard for him to find a pair of contemporary glasses that fits properly. His blue-tinted pince-nez shades seem outdated at first, but they’re the perfect fit for his unusually shaped head. As an added bonus, the shades are small enough to wear underneath his goggles. You have to appreciate their practicality, if nothing else.

With his blue jeans, white shirt, leather jacket, and slicked back hair, Kid Chameleon has all the emblematic markings of a 1950s greaser. The sunglasses tie everything together, of course, and they serve as a constant reminder of how cool he is. Kid Chameleon is described in-game as “someone too tough to beat,” so it’s important for him look like a total badass at all times. It’s strange to see a early ’90s video game protagonist taking styling cues from the likes of James Dean, but it made him stand out from all of the cereal mascot rejects that defined gaming during that era. The only reason he’s not ranked higher on this list is because of his eponymous “chameleon” aspects. The game revolves around an array masks that alter the kid’s abilities and appearance, so he only wears his shades when he doesn’t have one of these masks equipped.

Johnny Cash was known as the Man in Black, and the same moniker could be applied to Johnny Sfondi. He wears a black hat, black pants, and a black coat, so his black shades fit well with the ensemble. Johnny is a compulsive womanizer who hits on anything that moves, but he’s not as self-absorbed as he appears. He has a good heart beneath his arrogant facade, and his band of sky pirates is sworn to help the less fortunate. Johnny is the type of guy who lives by his own rules, and his Robin Hood lifestyle is legitimately cool. He also happens to be one of the most powerful human fighters in the Guilty Gear saga, and his sword skills are remarkably stylish. His moves are so over-the-top that you barely notice that he keeps his shades on during his fights. I’d probably wear shades if all of my moves were as flashy as his.

Most sunglasses have dark lenses, but there are many reasons why a person would opt for yellow-tinted shades instead. They provide optimal clarity for nighttime driving, for instance, and they can help address sleep problems by blocking exposure to blue light. With that said, Travis Touchdown almost certainly wears yellow shades because he wants to look cool. The aspiring assassin is an unemployed weeb who is coasting through life, but he puts a surprising amount of thought into his wardrobe. He has an assortment of pants, shirts, and trendy jackets to choose from, but his trademark Aviator sunglasses are a constant theme. He’s almost never seen without them. Travis obviously wants the world to notice him, so it makes sense for him to wear shades that are as colorful as his personality. Dark shades are too mainstream for a guy like him.

Rightly or wrongly, sunglasses are often seen as a mark of arrogance. To that point, anyone who wears shades at inappropriate times runs the risk of looking like a try-hard. If you wear sunglasses at night or indoors, for example, it’s safe to assume that you’re not wearing them to protect your eyes from the sun. Johnny Cage is a Hollywood action star who is so concerned with his appearance that he wears his shades while competing in fighting tournaments! (Keep in mind that these fights often take place in dimly-lit areas, and that the fate of the entire Earth is at stake.) Johnny occasionally surprises his opponents by throwing his sunglasses at them, but he’ll put on an identical pair immediately after. The dude is so full of himself that he brings backup shades to his fights just in case he loses his original pair!

Black trench coats and sunglasses are staples of cyberpunk and neo noire, so Adam Jensen’s Matrix-esque outfit is completely appropriate for a series like Deus Ex. Adam Jensen is a cybernetically augmented security specialist who is equipped with all sorts of weapons and gadgetry. His shades are mounted directly to his skull, so they remain in place regardless of how intense the action gets. The shades are apparently made out of some type of industrial sapphire and they are supposedly a part of his defensive system, but Adam would have made this list even if his sunglasses had no practical purpose. The shades were cool enough to be featured as a cosmetic award in Team Fortress 2, and they were affectionately referred to as “Deus Specs” just to make sure that everyone would get the reference.

The inhabitants of Donkey Kong Country are largely defined by their fashion choices. Donkey Kong’s iconic red tie speaks to his newfound maturity, Diddy’s hat highlights his youthful exuberance, and Dixie’s knee pads provide insight into how she got her job in the first place. Naturally, Funky Kong is also defined by his clothes. His bright outfits are basically a conglomeration of everything that was cool in the late ’80s and early ’90s. The groovy bandana is a perfect fit for a surfer dude with a laid-back persona, and his wrap-around Bret Hart sunglasses are ideal for someone who spends an inordinate amount of time in the sun. Whether he’s hanging ten on his surfboard or racing go-karts through jungles, Funky lives up to his namesake. Although it might sound banal, Funky Kong wouldn’t look nearly as funky without his shades.

Wesker isn’t the biggest or scariest Resident Evil villain, but he’s arguably the most unpredictable. Much in the same way that poker players wear sunglasses to hide their emotions, Wesker’s shades help him hide his true intentions from those around him. While imposing enemies like Nemesis and Tyrant bust through walls like the Kool-Aid man, Wesker always looks calm, cool, and collected. He never seems to lose his composure. The sunglasses cover up his mutated eyes after he’s injected with a prototype virus, but flashbacks and photographs suggest that he had a penchant for shades even before he was infected. In any regard, he only removes his sunglasses on rare occasions. He throws his shades to create a distraction in Resident Evil 5, but he puts them back on before they even hit the ground!

Cool sunglasses were standard issue for 1980s action heroes, so it only makes sense that Duke Nukem would own a pair. After all, the guy’s basically a walking homage to the over-the-top Hollywood stars that defined the era. If you’re going to steal one-liners from Arnold Schwarzenegger, you may as well steal his look while you’re at it. Although his blue eyes were prominently displayed in his side-scrolling debut, Duke has been rocking his Ray-Ban Wayfarer’s since Duke Nukem 3D. They’ve been a permanent part of his ensemble from that point on, and he’s even bold enough to wear them at night! Duke was the first person that came to mind when I started making this list, and no character in gaming is more closely associated with sunglasses. Seeing Duke without his shades would be akin to seeing Mario without his moustache.

Air Zonk is a futuristic parody of Hudson Soft’s own Bonk series. While Bonk is a caveman who battles prehistoric creatures, Zonk is a flying android who could be described as a more extreme version of Astro Boy. His comically large “boomerang style” sunglasses are usually reserved for only the coolest characters (like the leader of the Squirtle Squad or Kamina from Gurren Lagann), but they’re surprisingly commonplace in Air Zonk. All of Zonk’s sidekicks wear sunglasses, and even the bombs he drops wear shades. As usual, the Japanese version pushes the boundaries even further. In lieu of dropping bombs, Zonk simply defecates while flying. Amazingly, even his poop wears sunglasses. Do you have any idea how cool you have to be for your shit to wear sunglasses!?